In the assertion ”I want it thus!” - the 'I' is illusion.
There is no such 'I' to be found.
There are judgements and definitions, actively given attention within the desire that the "I" be real.
An exercise in partiality.
A pet project.
A way of putting eternity on hold while taking time out.
An act of attention-intent as a wish to think different
A way of hiding from awareness that is made to seem like the active doing of a separated will.
The sense of I as existence-awareness is true enough.
How can we leave eternal truth?
But the defined and limited definitions and perspectives that have become associated with 'I' as a result of separation experience are not true of 'I'.
It could be said that the mad idea at which the Son of God forgot to laugh - and which became the foundation of the separation experience - was the suggestion that the question 'what am I?' - could be answered by taking thought for oneself.
The assertion of - or the imagination of - an 'I' - in thought-desire - itself creates a sense of 'other' or 'not I'.
There is a Hindu saying; "Where there is an other - fear arises".
Fear is dissonant experience. It offers a way of noticing that:
The Separation HAS occurred. To deny this is merely to misuse denial. However, to concentrate on error is merely a further misuse of legitimate psychic mechanisms. The true corrective procedure, which has already been described as the proper use of the spiritual eye (or true vision), is to accept the error temporarily, but only as an indication that immediate correction is mandatory. This establishes a state of mind in which the Atonement can be accepted without delay. (Jesus in 'A Course in Miracles').
But if the assertion of, or imagination of, an 'I' - in thought-desire, is given priority, ("Father, I'd rather see it My way"), then dissonance is seen as a compulsion to use thought-desire as power - against 'other' and for 'my self'.
Mind against itself is surely a cause for mirth - how can this be? - it can not be.
But a mind in delusional identification, attempting to defend a fantasy believed real maintains itself by substitution in secrecy. It is the lie - kept from awareness.
Within the 'world' the lie substitutes for truth, a mythology is enacted.
The orphaned - self making self.
The hostile power.
The walls, the shields, the weapons.
The list is not endless but its repetition in dramatic form would be - if it were not replaced by remembering truth.
Truth remembers itself.
The self-mind that seems to run and hide ultimately discovers there is no where to hide and nowhere to run. It is not punished. It is simply undone of the basis upon which its thought seems real - and the intent to deny and limit is replaced with the seed willingness to love and serve.
In truth this takes no time at all - for it is the awakening from a lie.
But acceptance cannot be imposed against the desire for a self.
The desire for a special love; an experience of me for me - such seeds persist until they are freely released in awakened loving.
The constructs of the mind in separation that constitute the world as we believe and experience, have become the classroom for the mind to change its mind about itself. Awakened purpose, through willingness, understanding and acceptance, replaces the blind enactment of drama.
It isn't that the drama is healed - but that the dreamer awakens to honesty - and through love of truth - to welcome. The separation basis that fed the drama is undone.
The question 'what am I' can be asked from the silence of the heart - as the desire to know thyself.
The answer is through the discerning and allowing of the already truth to move through you - as it is - and as it wills.
Truth can not be encompassed by taking thought for oneself.
Remember to laugh at such absurd and foolish thought - whenever it is recognised to arise in awareness.
And the truth, the beauty and the joy and the peace of loving will 'know itself' - unmasking 'otherness'. Awakening 'brotherness'.