I inadvertently choose

I inadvertently choose to experience as if separately every time I allow the mind to wander in loveless paths.

I become lost to my own heart’s light in my preoccupation with a will by which darkness seems to obscure light.

Loveless paths are only a way of thinking that isn't true – there is not such a path nor one compelled to walk it, only a currency of exchange that is created by what I give and receive.

But lovelessness cannot be received in truth for there is none in Truth.

What then is the stranger that seems to intrude upon our hope of peace? What then the pass by which we come to the end of our capacity to prevail?

It is the touch and whisper of love yet veiled by the veil of distortion – for the awakening of the heart of you to your light.

Yet to the will that lives in the dark must it seem the stripping away of all that it believes gives it strength and safety.

To be amidst the world and release its value from your grasp so that the heart is freed from the conclusions and definitions of the mind is to lay aside thought and listen anew.

What is here at first may be seen only as the absence of what I have become accustomed to – and such a void can be prone to fearful thought.

Yet even as eyes become attuned to a sudden change after a period of adjustment – so too to the discernments of light return to the mind that releases darkness.

The companionship of light is not other to what I am – and yet is not mine to control.
I am not mine to control.
Very God is not for God to control.

Following a thought to know all by myself – brought me to be as if myself alone.

To know I am not alone restores me to love’s knowing – always given and received in perfect trust.

The refusal of the experience of aloneness is the direct embrace of uncensored experience now.
Before judgement comes into play.

Only thus will the gift of love flow through the laying aside of my story.
By the reception of this gift will I recognise, beyond doubt, that I have received as has been given through me. In gratitude and love will the Source of love be known by love – as love - in love. When all things are spoken thus – I must be silent.

Surrender thought and listen now

The willingness to surrender thought and listen now – is surely within us – or we would not meet here.
(Or indeed really meet anything directly but our own thinking).

I can sometime feel this as the truth floating of itself to its own awareness.

Like as if all the stuff that seems to keep truth denied has to work against the natural buoyancy of the heart.

Miracles are the unselfconscious expression of a conscious willingness.
I haven't felt that I need or should become anything – for that seems to be the idea that made suffering.
So I release as I feel able and willing – which is to say as awakeness offers to my acceptance.

The false cannot be a foundation or a real cause so I don't have to do anything about it - but the desire to see it as my own cause or foundation and proceed to identify all things accordingly, is the sticky point where I will follow the guidance of the false.

But if I try to force myself to surrender I will feel deprived, so, in some ways I feel to be consciously tolerant of that I yet choose to act in story rather than truth. The consciousness is the level of willingness freely available and gives a very different experience than becoming eaten by illusion.

Allowing unjudgemental awareness into the arenas of resistance is a release of Thou Shalt Not! - yet is in some way holding relationship with spirit in a way that reminds me of Joni Mitchell singing – Will you take me as I am?”. Ego loves this sort of thinking as it can feel ‘allowed’ to indulge – but that isn't what I am saying – for the context that makes the difference is the desire and willingness to grow in self trust.

Meeting the self-death in all sorts of ways – is meeting and embracing all the places in me where I would give up – run – hide – go insane – fail – die. The unforgivable or intolerable.

They don't need to be dramatized – for drama is a way to keep from letting peace be. But they are like the coastline where I end and the unknown begins. The threshold where the Eternal wakens to itself as the 'more of me' than what I thought to be.

The self-death is story. Without my story I am in cold turkey – in bleaker street – in desert of abandonment. But this is of the initial illusion of loss that I believed real and sought to protect against – and thus made real to my own mind. It gets re-enacted over and over but also gets hidden so as to not be recognisable.

So comes the time when I’m done with the desire to come from this place of self protection – even though the habit is sometimes strong. There’s a different call in my mind and there’s a different response.

I thought today about things I do which have no justifications or basis in the mind that measures – and how part of my work is to keep alive the path by which I can enjoy the freedom of giving – and not let the measuring mind undermine it.

And then I thought ‘what becomes of it?’ and immediately felt that the capacity to be in the joy of freely giving is growing in me and this is what I teach myself and any I meet in the giving. If they find joy then they will be drawn likewise – even if at first they seem blind to the light and only grasp at forms.

The belief that there is something I have to do or undo in the future – in some other moment is a distraction from enjoying the Holy Spirit light in all things now.