2010/01/18

Irritation - conditional love - awakening

The signs are clearly obvious - a sense of frustration, a lack of calm - a compulsive reaching for something to ‘cover over’ or ‘fill up’ - and a quickness to irritation; the self sensitive emotional leaking out of a wilfully asserted story of being hard done by - unfairly treated. To be made powerless or inadequate. Some sense of loss of love in life.

Conditional love is a set up - because the conditions are not the nature and condition of reality as it is - but are the conditions that I have set up for myself - or I have arrived at in contractual 'relationship' with another.

“I want it thus” - in order to be happy on my terms - or at least to allay my unhappiness.
When two or more agree on a set of conditions it makes for a sense of reality - that then supports a sense of self - which on surface seems innocent of any kind of loveless manipulation - and if a little of that shows, why it is accepted as the nature of being a self - and the way things just are.

Underneath the lid of the surface presentation are the aspects of our life, our mind or our self - that we do not want to know - or that do not fit in with - or support - the story of ourselves that we are both telling and listening to. For it is this story-mind that is employed for validating and providing continuity for a sense of self that arises from continuing the attempt to force life to be as it is not - by applying intent and force of will as both the interpretation of all experience - and the reactions that arise from those interpretations.


The all-one-ness of awareness being the flow experiencing itself, cannot be other that as it is - for this is all that is and always and only is. But an interpretation of experience can be given priority of attention and desire - that uses the thought of being - as if - outside the flow.

A separateness felt within an indivisibility. A twoness from which arises a many-ness experienced in a felt separateness of thought, collapses and inverts into a sense of independence from the flow. As if experiencing life from the perspective of form - with a specific signature in form being expressed and maintained with great force of will. The density of the forces of opposition makes for a density and fixedness of thought and experience. The flow is rendered invisible as background, the foreground is rendered as an experience of self and other - where self is identified within a personal private mind within a body - and other is everything outside.

This arbitary division is in a constant flux of offensive and defensive strategy - and centres upon a likewise flux of symbols of self and love and life that are 'worshipped' or attended to, as if they were the flow of being itself. But the experience within the mind in limitation is compellingly real to it - as if under a spell or dream; a mind entrapped within its own thought. A mind that has given its innate power to the idea of something other.

To put our desire of intent and attention into wanting life to be other than it is - is fantasy. To engage wilfuly in fantasy is to become deluded and to assert that life is as we define, interpret and determine it to be - and from the seeming power of such a mind comes the belief in the nature of power as division, and by this we suffer our own creation as if it creates us.

The surface of life is form. The depth of life is meaning. When form is made to be a symbol of meanings other than the presence and flow of being, then a private fantasy is being dallied with while the awareness of the flow is put ‘on hold’. There are no external laws forbidding the mind in following thought. If value is given it - then it persists as a focus of attention - until it is valued no more.

Playing on the surface of life is part of discovering and exploring will - and through the experience of feedback, coming to recognize and accept the will of the flow as the truth and harmony of being. Free will is not a freedom to do anything. Free will is the nature and condition of being.

No matter how intensely or ingeniously the will is applied in manipulation, coercion or control, it cannot ever become the power it seeks - nor can it subdue or contain the power it experiences as opposition. It can seem to do so - or at least achieve temporary satisfactions in form. But these are without substance excepting by the mechanism of conflict itself - and so are never wholehearted, happy experiences of the freedom of being.

The awakening of the mind to its wholeness or indivisibility occurs spontaneously as a result of the loss of fascination with the intent that drives the experience of limitation. For without the application of a coercive will, the flow naturally knows itself through all relations. Yet this knowing is given and received as one. The insinuation of a private mind initially cuts off and misinterprets all direct experience of the flow of being. Yet every instant of a conscious remembering or unseparated presence - serves the transition within the mind that could be seen as a process of steps by which the release of wilfulness is freely allowed, and the acceptance of life as given and received in the flow of being - is freely accepted.

The ideas that speak of the flow are only servants to the remembering of a current embrace and inclusion. For only as this restores your whole hearted being to sanity and wholeness - can you see and therefore share sanity and wholeness.

Willingness is a trusting receptivity to the flow. It is the allowing and permission given to being - that undermines the wilfulness habit of which the mind suffers its own private reality.

The desire that had been directed externally is released to the heart. The heart is the voice of the presence of the flow. It can be clothed in form to become tangible to the mind that is awakening, but the flow is beyond the clothing of idea, symbol or concept.

But not beyond the heart’s knowing - within this very instant of awareness - in this exact circumstance of relations. Awakening is always to - and as - an entirely fresh perspective.

Let the dead bury the dead!