All experience inevitably tends to validate the presumptions from which it proceeds. A conflicted identity brings experience of opposition and conflict. It is quite possible to experience unreality – but to do so is at cost of the experience of appreciating the sharing that which is real. The experience of unreality is had privately in a virtual construct that then is accorded reality because it seems to be the environment in which you think, act and have experiences that seem to dictate and define you rather than be expressions of undefined awareness. The identity in opposition exerts it life forcefully and wilfully - and yet this seeming independence is toatlly dependant on a life force that simply functions as light, feeling, thought and tangibility of form.
Thought and desire are the currency of experience - whatever the nature of that experience. Unless some responsibility for our own thought is invited, accepted and grown, we remain victim to the experiences that our own 'unmindful' thought brings forth - and see the cause as outside our mind - in fact we also WANT it there, so as to offload the thoughts of guilt that are otherwise intolerable.
Yet to do this is to simply feed and perpetuate the fire rather than undermine or starve the condition in which fire can occur.
No matter how much time and experience has been devoted to attempting to solve a problem outside and elsewhere to where it really is – the learnings and strategies thus acquired remain as valid as directions taken from a map held accidentally upside down.
The process of shifting from a split mind to a unified mind is a step by step proces of accepting the already truth – and only occurs within the conditions of willingness, freedom, and trust. These are currently and always active because of what and who you really are – but are misplaced if giving rise to experience of opposition, compulsion, fear and resistance.
Children need limits upon their will while learning to align and integrate it with the world. But then they also need guidance and support in moving past those set limits when they grow ready to live from a greater perspective. Life moves in any case and the transitions will occur - as they are recognised – either gracefully or through a long drawn out series of crisis that stretch both time and suffering.