The concept of ego is helpful if it awakens a present responsibility.
But as soon as there is a sense of a separate or alternate power called the ego that can act against God - against your indivisibility - then it has become a stooge behind which the mind can play out the game of two powers. And to take either side or to shift between sides according to an alternating perspective is to identify with force and density - the experience of limitation and separation.
There need be no blame for discovering egocentricity 'running', indeed such is an awakening 'Ahah!'
The sense of ego attack that 'knows' how to lay us low is linked to our desire.
We may at times feel able to be open and selfless in the flow of being - but then there can be a sense of losing a capacity to keep the ego as a sort of hideyhole or option to back off or to have access to things we have enjoyed that we feel deprived of at the sense of moving beyond.
So there is a tightening, a contracting - a desire to put the brake on and 'think' - a pausing from the connectness of our being and in effect saying "I'd rather see this my way".
And the experience of confusion, of being in some struggle or of needing to DO something before I can allow Being or justify love - serves this desire to have a limited sense of self in which I feel less threatened than the exposure of an initially unrecognised territory of being.
My sense of resistance, is of an emotional charge here that is activated out of a habitual sense of security - and that once it activates, it can reframe my perspective so as to self validate itself and hide Love's Answer.
In awareness we can nip ego in the bud - just don't go there - stay here - open - be still - listen. In thought we are acting out from a basis that itself is thought - and not FEELING the direct communion of life that makes Meaningful our experience to us. Nor indeed the faith connection with that which is Awake and with us as Guide and Teacher.
So the drama has its process and yet at some point falls away enough to allow awareness to 'surface' again and we say "what was that about?" or "how come it took me so long to let go of that".
But it isn't that we hold onto a sense of control that doesn't fall or missstep - but rather that we stay open in trust and connectedness even amidst the fears of distrust and ill intent.
When desire grows strong to be free of a sick, debilitating or self undermining habit, we find more awareness rising within it - and thus a choice instead of a compulsion. But the real choice is always not to play the game at all - whereas the compulsion is always a sense of dilemna amidst choices that keep me in the dark.
In fairy stories, the treasure is often guarded by monsters or the princess surrounded by thorny thicket - or some sort of appearance of fearsome obstacle.
The only way to pass is truth.
When all else fails, you KNOW that you have not the answer and so in natural wisdom you no longer seek or accept an answer from where it cannot and does not come - from 'my own power or from my own thinking'. Now is there a stillness that listens. Now is there a thirst for truth. Now is there an abeyance of using truth to make a better weapon to overcome gargoyles. By the grace of God the heart can hear and see and feel - free of the miasma of a sense of self that turned from a curious plaything to a mesmeric mind-trap.
To look upon the special hate relationship is to cease to hide - and therefore protect - it.
When the mind in pain of hurt or hate turns upon itself - seek and find your willingness. Not to live up to any notion of spiritual attainment - but simply to own and feel and know the true desire of your willingness for love, for true safety, for unified peace.
You will at times experience extreme resistance to listening to your willingness, and yet by its light, you are guided or prompted to whatever helps you to stay in and grow willingness - despite the pull of the current of guilt, fear or reaction. Though it seems fierce it has only the power you gave it and give it still.
Your 'holding hands' with Spirit - through your willingness - is the link to calm - despite the shout and struggle of a senseless conflicted drama that seems to be real.
To practice, is to live from willingness - actively. The forms that the dance will take are discovered in relationship - as your preconditions are released to a greater trust.
If wilfulness sneaks in, willingness is forgot - and in such misalignment will dissonance of experience become the signal to relax.
This innate signal to bring attention present , relax, and trust - has been interpreted as a symbol for guilt or proof of sin - a hateful intent - a shameful self uncovered.
This is a deception - but to see for yourself you must look within and discover if in fact and in truth - such intent is your desire. For if you fear that it is - you are still 'playing' with sin as if it could be so.
I say that God Himself is the giver of your life, your being and your true desire.
Jesus said: "Go in peace and sin no more". He speaks to awakened willingness.
From such a true desire we can see and hear and trust our way.
And the shadow of sin dissolves, to a heart redeemed.
How I love you!
In love's graceful tears